a curated selection of thoughts collected within a 1 gb limit
on march 27 at 5 pm pacific, the nintendo eshop was closed down for wii u and nintendo 3DS. hundreds, if not thousands of games can no longer be bought or downloaded, unless if they were purchased already. on top of some games being incredibly rare and expensive, others are forever lost, which means there’s no legal way to access them anymore. this is art that is now lost to time. and on top of the seemingly endless gaming library, even the videos that released alongside them have also fizzled out. and that brings me to another subject entirely: the death of the nintendo video archive.
a little bit after the 3DS launched, nintendo launched an app called nintendo video. it was a sort of rotating hub of 3D videos that updated every week or so. you could only watch four at a time, but that made it all the more exciting. i mean, this thing had a good amount of content. it had lots of stuff from cartoon hangover and frederator like bravest warriors, bee and puppycat, and the too cool cartoons. i think there were some other online cartoons like filmcow videos and mondo’s baman piderman. ooh, there was this wwe cartoon that aired on nicktoons as well. and oh my god, shaun the sheep. i remember it was on disney channel way back and it happened to be on there also. they had movie trailers, music videos, weird simulation videos, and what about those videos that nintendo themselves made? man, they must've thought they were hilarious. i think there was one called misadventures of link. they were little machinima videos that had link from wind waker do a bunch of wacky stuff. it was nice!
my point is, nintendo video was basically the closest thing they had to an indie paradise. i remember using this all the time. every week there would be at least one new video i had to watch. and this isn't nintendo video specifically, but you guys remember nintendo show 3D? all the new games coming out, the little 3D videos at the end, it's basically how i kept up with gaming news at the time.
but that show, as well as nintendo video, just kind of stopped after a while. 2014 was when the service officially shut down and there were no more videos left. most of the videos that premiered on the app transferred over to the nintendo eshop, which is nice. but now the eshop is also just…gone. all of it. there’s nothing left but a short notice and a redownload screen. and that's why we're here today. what you're about to see, whether you like it or not, is nintendo history. this is a time period of making risks and taking chances no matter what. this is nintendo video.
ah, collegehumor. i used to love these guys, and i was shocked to see their involvement at all. normally, i’d associate these guys with pixel mario parodies where they somehow got patrick warburton to play bowser. before funny or die, these guys put their hat in the ring. although, years later, it seems like they put their hat in the ring of fire. because they’re not exactly the juggernauts that they were today. they’re still doing okay. their new little niche service, dropout, seems to be doing alright. it’s mostly doing well with DND fans and tumblr people from what i’ve gathered, but that’s a fair trade off to, say, burning alive at the stake.
now then, the nintendo stuff. on the service, they offered two breakout animated hits: dinosaur office and bearshark. let’s start with the former.
now, this show is about dinosaurs in an office. that’s the basic extent. i used to love this one. i STILL do! it mainly follows the workplace oddities of craig, an orange triceratops, and todd, a green t-rex. they also eat each other alive. there’s a whole set of kooky dinos, actually.
umm…yeah, i got nothing. it’s such a cozy web show in general. i really like the stop-motion style they’re going for. it’s the nintendo equivalent to playing with toy dinosaurs in a cardboard box. and hey, i guess collegehumor likes it as well. to this day, you can watch nearly every single episode in a single compilation. you’ll finish this in half an hour anyway, so i say it wouldn’t hurt to check it out.
this one’s not as interesting to talk about, either. here’s the sitch: a bear and a shark team up to harass this poor bastard anywhere he goes. it’s sort of like when i finally saw cocaine bear in a way. once you get past the title and focus on the meat of the bones, you’ll end up with something more simple than you may think. but at the end of the day, it wouldn’t hurt to try this one out either. it’s a simple premise that might get boring after a while, but it doesn’t overstay its welcome.
if you recognize the style, you’re probably not alone. while not the actual creator, animator harry partridge has worked on this show in the art department. the only other similarity i can think of artistically is, uh…digman? yeah, that show kinda has the same sort of character style, just with tweening instead of hand-drawn animation. let me know if that’s an insult or not.
i would end it at “go check it out” but this is where i drop the mic. this is the only show on this list, as far as i know, to have its own VIDEO GAME. yes, these dorks at college dropout or whatever they’re called decided this needed a video game on the nintendo eshop. of course, you can’t buy it anymore. so what do i know about what needs a video game? from what i do know, it’s a crappy endless runner type of game where you press one button and you do something. it’s cheap, it’s average, it’s a tie-in. a tie-in that can no longer exist legally. hope you like this wholesome article, by the way.
from the fine folks at bonus.co.jp comes another show i’d usually catch up on. here’s another simple premise: two freaks of nature named yans and gans spend each episode trying to devour a new creature in every episode. think of it as the typical “monster of the week” formula but for prey. this was actually not made for nintendo video, as it came out all the way in 2009 under “yans! gans!” in japan.
as for the show itself…wow. i mean, i never understood it myself. even back then, it felt a bit off in some areas. each episode has yans and gans going after these pink things, then they see a big thing, get stomped on, get gunned down by spaceships or whatever, fall down to earth, get a new idea on how to eat the big creature, go with the plan, fail, and that’s the end of that.
at least it’s weird enough to keep me enticed, but you can only do so much for about 12 episodes. i guess it’s too weird for my own liking. but what's more bizarre is the last episode. it's a music video of the guys singing their own theme song while clips play of them chasing after their last batch of prey. this can actually be found on an official japanese DVD, which typically goes for $34 on amazon.
and you know what? i just remembered that i’m actually a compulsive liar. because this thing also had a video game as well. yeah, bearshark wasn’t the only one who made the big leagues. there was an official meat or die game that used to be available on ipad, but that too is lost to time. it’s most likely because today’s apple devices can only run 64-bit games instead of 32-bit games. but actually, i’m not sure if it ever came out at all. the american distributor, 4kids, said it was in early development. but it seemingly never came out on anything. isn’t that fun? are you having fun reading this article?
okay, this one i don’t even remember, and apparently neither does nintendo. the only real footage you can find of this on youtube is camcorder footage of each episode. anyway, this comes to us from the creators of meat or die and it sure looks like it. it's definitely a fun timewaster, albeit kind of barebones. i do like the mix of stop motion and pixel backgrounds. it makes it stick out more than it should.
strangely enough, there's actually a high quality upload of the first episode on the official bonus.co.jp website. i would use a VPN to find more of this stuff, but i just remembered that the restrict act might happen. so if you see me rotting in a jail cell for the next 20 years, blame wildheart riukiu.
here’s something you’ll never see again. in the early 2000s, nintendo and HAL laboratory produced the anime, kirby right back at ya, released on the 4kids block. it was a fun little show that had some elements from the games and other elements that were specifically made for it. so that means it’s a snowball’s chance in hell that you’ll ever see these characters ever again. turns out the snowball was made of metal, however, because there was a new CGI short that followed the show’s footsteps. i think this was my first introduction now that i think about it. technically, this came out in 2009, but only in japan on an old wii channel. the wii no ma channel was basically nintendo’s VOD service that never escaped japan. apparently, the rest of the world is too cool for something as unimportant as, um, a revival of an old TV show based on one of their most iconic legacy franchises.
anyway, the story is that there is a deadly lobster going around causing a ruckus with his awesome ice breath. so kirby has to stop it before things go curaaazy. in the heat of the moment at some castle, the lobster grows big or something and kirby has to stop him. the only part i found weird was when he had to “suck up the babies” that the lobster was spitting out and when kirby did, he became this big, human-sized samurai. i don’t think he ever did that in the games, no? even back then, this weirded me out. well, no. i was a little freaked out by the sales guy in the beginning. i think in the anime, king dedede and his snail friend make deals with this business guy from night mare enterprises in order to stop kirby once and for all. how was i supposed to know this series had a big business guy?
i mean, i liked it. it was just a little weird is all. if you want more out of the anime, you’ll probably like this. they even brought back the english cast, which is honestly really cool. it goes to show that there’s something in the black heart of nintendo that still cares about their legacy. but this thing’s got nothing on the next segment.
NOW we’re talking. i used to be so excited for kid icarus uprising. i loved the world, the characters, everything! i don’t think i’d ever seen anything like it. sadly, i never got the game, and its amazon prices don’t seem to help my case, but whatever! it still looked so cool, and it resulted in not one, but THREE different shorts.
the first one i remember was thanatos rising, produced by production IG. you'll recognize their work on ghost in the shell, FLCL (partially), haikyu, and that one anime scene in kill bill. i think these days, they specialize in a lot of CGI cutscenes for video games. anyway, i might remember this one the least. it doesn't help that this had the longest rollout, coming out in four separate parts. so what do i think of it now? i mean, it's fun. but goddammit, i forgot how cheesy this series would get. sometimes, the dialogue would best be equated to a resident evil conversation. for god's sake, pit says nearly verbatim, "i was almost a pit pancake there." he thinks he can compete against the jill sandwich and it's adorable. i mean, this might be the least memorable one of the bunch, but there's enough banter to keep me preoccupied for a while. if you love the character dynamics in the game, think of this one as a level that never got made.
the second one was called medusa's revenge, by studio 4C. these guys have done great work on projects like masaaki yuasa's mind game, the anthology film memories, a couple shorts on the animatrix, and if you really want a deep cut, they did the artwork for the google doodle champion island games. now then, this is the shortest one of the lot, clocking out at 3 minutes, but i always loved this one. it's basically a trailer in its own right. literally, it shows all this action going on and then it freezes on pit facing medusa and that's it. what happens next? buy the game and find out. it's only a hundred dollars on amazon. you got that kind of money, right? well anyway, there's not much to talk about, but it's insanely cool. i forgot just how cool of a villain medusa was. but i think either she might be thinking out loud or they didn't wanna animate her lipsyncing. maybe it's her narrating like, i dunno, a game trailer. but if you're looking for a high quality upload of this short, watch out for any 60 fps uploads. it doesn't look AS bad here, but it's noticably less impactful and more lame that way.
the third and final short was palutena's revolting dinner, by SHAFT. i hardly know her, but you'll probably recognize their work on monogatari, that new RWBY anime, and also palutena's trailer for smash bros on wii u. this one i actually remember the most. it's easily the most iconic one of the bunch. basically, palutena tells pit to buy some groceries and then all her foods start coming alive. in this palace, it's either meat or die. so she's gotta get all these walking veggies in check before they start making christian video tapes. it's so bad, that pit's gotta order an entire army to catch these crazy carrots while palutena takes her bath. even the tomatoes are in on it.
overall, i love these shorts. if they can get an idiot like me to understand what a kid icarus is, they're alright in my book. i don't think i'll ever be able to buy this game without selling my mortgage, but all that matters is that nintendo video is free and forever.
the only other show i can think of is this one called threediots. but i don't remember a damn thing about it. besides, it too has nothing but camcorder uploads online. for you see, the thing about nintendo video is that it deserved better than what it got. it only lasted three years, most of its library was never officially preserved, and it lived and died by one of the most influential services in nintendo's modern era. in the digital age where everything on the internet stays on the internet, it's a wonder why this app never got the respect that it needed. what i see is a gold mine of indie animation and stories you couldn't find anywhere else. part of it might be nintendo's success getting the best of them. notice how they'll do anything they can to appease as many people as possible. with the nintendo switch selling like hotcakes, they already have everything they need.
but i still think they can break the mold. their biggest project right now is a movie adaptation based on one of the biggest multi-million dollar franchises ever created. that's a lot to live up to, not to mention their involvement with universal on their theme parks. somewhere out there is a glimmer of hope that nintendo is taking chances at something so weird that it just might work. and if it doesn't, we can only find out for ourselves. for now, i'd like to end this off with a hope for true preservation. this is art that can only be found through an iphone. this is art than can only be found in 240p on a compressed youtube video. to preserve media is to preserve the future. and if it means preserving a short film about a pink blob sucking up babies, then so be it.