a curated selection of thoughts collected within a 1 gb limit
well, the new year has finally come for us all. i could take this time to branch out and write bigger and more passionate articles about bolder subjects. and i know just what to write about: DVD cases!
stick with me on this one. how do you visualize a DVD? a disc, right? usually, DVDs have some sort of menu with their own set of subtitles, audio options, chapters, and hopefully some bonus features. but a DVD needs something to store it. you can't leave it out on the PS2 because it's gonna get scratched that way. even worse, it might get lost and you might never see it again. that's the role of the DVD case. it's something we usually take for granted because it solves a problem we didn't know could happen.
now look, this is what the standard DVD case usually looks like. these are keep cases. you got the paper cover in a nice protective sleeve on a black plastic case. it's not too thick, not too thin, and it tells you everything you need to know, you open it, take the DVD out of the thing, put the DVD in the player, and then you snap the case shut. it's practically invisible design. it's so standard that most blu-rays are the exact same thing, but a little thinner. this is what you call a DVD. or so you were deceived to think.
so i've been going to school in milwaukee where there's two movie stores and two record stores in range of each other. if you walk the other way for about 20 minutes or so, you'll find some DVDs at the local goodwill. fun fact: i actually managed to find a target-exclusive, factory-sealed 4K blu-ray of toy story 4 going for three dollars. someone actually thought about giving that away and donated it to goodwill. they even had a sealed vinyl for the new proud family show. also from target! he's practically giving them away! anyway, goodwill is a lottery of gold. not only can you find some neat surprises on a good day, like maybe a double jewel case of diablo on PC, but also some strange relics of a past culture. between the average workout videos and the sunday school seminars, you'll find something that sticks out like a sore thumb. case in point:
now i have to explain. this is a snap case for a series of stanley kubrick films. for some reason, wikipedia cut out the box art but not the actual spine. regardless, i've been bewildered by this design ever since. from my knowledge, these snap cases, or snappers, were largely used for the earlier warner bros DVDs. looney tunes: back in action, twister, you name it. they were actually made in-house at a time warner company, ivy hill packaging. so i guess there was no money down. my only problem is the security. this is a case that takes twenty brain surgeons to close tight. so you open the flap from the side and take a whiff at the table of contents. great job. but in order to close it good, you gotta close it from the middle. that is, if god allows it. but alas, god prefers blu-ray. so this is the best we can do. fortunately, warner switched to the keep cases in about 2003 or so. and since then, it seemed like that was just the way it went. but what about if you simply cannot close them shut for the life of you?
well, there's the extra security cases. for these guys, you have to pull the extra flaps open if you want to actually open the case. i never understood these. for one, they only serve to get in the way for an extra five seconds. and second, if these were for security, they must've not had any faith in something so simple to grasp that even warner bros saw it as a good deal.
actually, blu-rays aren't alone on this either. although it's one big flap that you can trap inside the case. just open it up, fold the flapper inside, close the case, and now you got yourself a blu-ray for normal people. but that just makes me wonder why they'd even do this in the first place.
but you know what's better than standard keep cases? steelbooks. there's something about opening a steelbook and feeling like you're about to enter the world of the film itself. not all covers are winners. i mean, studio ghibli's steelbooks are a bunch of characters standing in purgatory. but when they stand out, they knock it out of the park. the only thing that i don't like about some of them is they're harder to snap shut. i have only three steelbooks, so it might just be bad luck. although, one of my steelbooks definitely doesn't like sharing.
i guess you can only do so much with the size of these things. but would it kill them to put the blu-ray and DVD in a way that doesn't risk cracking them in half? what if they get scratched? though, i do acknowledge that blu-rays these days tend to come with a DVD of some sort. most of the time, 4K discs tend to come with regular blu-ray versions. so it's good to take packaging into account, especially if it's a box set.
TV shows tend to get the most amount of stuff packed into a measly case. so when they're neatly packaged like this, it's nice. kinda reminds me of flipping through all the CDs in those big ol' CD cases with a bit of sharpie on them.
sometimes, they actually come with thinner cases. and can i just say this? i really like the clear cases. they feel a bit more flimsy, but you can tell when they actually utilize the reverse cover that it's a good idea to begin with. lots of PS4 games do this and they're all the more incredible for it.
but not all box sets are created equal, for better or worse. going back to goodwill, i found a 10th anniversary box set of clerks going for a steal. so i took that beauty to my abode and looked through all the neat little goodies they packed in. it was nice! but this is for better. for worse, they can be unnecessarily complicated. it takes a big box to open up more boxes that give us even more boxes where the DVDs may or may not be hiding. some of them even have little books in between the DVDs. this is mostly common with those career-long discography CD sets, like with barry manilow or the police. i know these complex DVD sets are more for the fans, but it's not worth the hassle.
the most optimal solution is to put the discs on both sides, which is for the best. but some movies still like to cheat. you see this image here? this is transformers: the last knight on blu-ray and DVD. don't ask me why i have this. my friend gave me it during the winter break and then i can only assume he ran off like daffy duck with a hammer. anyway, get a load of this. it's once again a target exclusive, further cementing the theory that all target customers are the most charitable species on earth. plus, this target blu-ray promises extended special features you can't find anywhere else. so perhaps they're all on one blu-ray disc, right? well, i gotta admit. you are pretty stupid. because the primary blu-ray is just the film by itself. no, the special features are actually on their own special blu-ray. watch how these freaks bundle in this movie magic.
no, i didn't replace anything. you have to take out one disc to reveal another separate disc. in other words, they placed two discs on top of each other. i don't know if this is the best possible way to save money or the weirdest thing i've ever seen. in fact, i think it might be neither one. there's actually something weirder than that.
one day, i walk to the local goodwill and check out all the DVDs that i'm never going to buy. at that beautiful moment, it was there when i found a DVD set for season 5 of curb your enthusiasm. i open it up and see nothing but the table of contents and a bunch of other stuff. basically, everything except the DVD. turns out there was a tab on the bottom that pulls out the DVD, which was pretty weird but not a dealbreaker. however, it actually took some force to get it out. i figured it must be stuck or something. but as i pull it out, another tab opens from the top. yes, there's two tabs that open from the top and the bottom. i've never seen anything like it. the only way i can describe it is if i draw out a diagram of how it works.
see, this is what prompted me to think about this stupid topic in the first place. how else can you realistically package a DVD? it's an overloaded CD with quicktime videos inside it. and what about CDs? most of them are either standard jewel cases or cardboard sleeves. i'm pretty sure some video games used to come in sleeves. in fact, once upon a time, there were no keep cases. here's where we come full circle.
this is the jewel case of a DIVX movie. this was the belated answer to DVD in 1998, less than two years after the first commercially available DVD in japan. the thing about DIVX was that you pay $4.50 for a movie, then you put it in the DIVX player, and it would be available to watch for the next 48 hours after that. then you would have to pay for another 48 hours just to see it again. so basically, you're physically renting out a movie to then digitally rent it again as long as you had the disc. if you don't rent it, all you have is recycled glass that does nothing until you pay up.
this was a confusing idea and they rightfully stopped doing it a year later.
but in retrospect, it's interesting to see where movies were going back then. think about it. television was all the rage and studios wanted to capitalize on their catalog however they could. granted, you have the occasional problems with the back and forth decisions between widescreen and fullscreen movies. but there was real consideration in this world of home video and TV movie nights. for a while, physical media was the most viable solution to home video. nowadays, it seems like entertainment is becoming more scarce in the digital world. companies like warner discovery, AMC, and now paramount and showtime are taking certain movies and shows off their streaming libraries because they serve no value to them. it stinks on ice too because it's clear they want to find a better home for at least most of their stuff. besides, physical media still has a place in the industry and they know this. they practically perfected the medium. now what? do we house these things in jewel cases, snap cases, or the ones that make sense?
i suppose the uniformity of digital streaming (as uniform as 20 streaming platforms can be) makes me wonder about what was once the only way to watch movies and TV shows whenever we wanted. i haven't even touched upon VHS because there's only like two cases. and don't get me started with HD DVD. what a rotten way to live. i guess what i'm trying to say is that DVD cases have been and always will be pretty weird, and i wouldn't have it any other way.
well, that was pretty directionless for a new year start. but i guess it wasn't all for naught. hope you learned something from this crappy article. frankly, i've only scratched the surface. i haven't even talked about the DVD menus yet. but maybe i'll save that for another time. oh and support your local goodwills and video stores, by the way. i guarantee you'll probably find something good there. maybe