a curated selection of thoughts collected within a 1 gb limit
let me take you back to the past. a guy in konami by the name of hitoshi akamatsu heads development for a bold new project for nintendo's famicom disk system. enter castlevania, the story of a vampire hunter who tracks down the count dracula as his curse thwarts the land. it went on to become one of the most iconic video games in the nintendo boom of the 80s, eventually landing into the NES in 1986 in america and 1987 in europe.
due to the success, akamatsu came back to help design the next game, castlevania II: simon's quest. this game was even bigger than the last, boasting nonlinear gameplay and a town shrouded in mystery. it too cemented itself as a classic in the NES library. while not as fondly remembered, it was still ahead of its time and sort of became a template for one of castlevania's highest points in the series, symphony of the knight. and in turn, it inspired a whole new genre of games altogether with games like hollow knight and steamworld dig.
but in 2004, a film major uploaded a video of himself talking about how simon's quest actually kinda sucked ass. little did anyone know, this was the spark that lit a fuse in the gaming landscape unlike anything else before. this was the dawn of the angry video game nerd.
meet james rolfe, an indie filmmaker who started up a website called cinemassacre.com. there, he showcased his catalog of short films, some of them you could hardly call films. but whatever! he had a certain flavor of style and honed it. however, one series of not-films put him in the spotlight for millions to witness. that series was the angry video game nerd, a show where a guy gets so furious with ass-old games that he feels the need to make a hitpiece on each and every one of them. it was something bold at the time. if homestar runner and newgrounds helped popularize weird flash cartoons made by really bored people, AVGN helped popularized the video review format into what it’s become today. in a weird way, this guy was a cornerstone of an entire culture online.
i gotta be honest. i never really caught up with the nerd until 2016. if anything, we were more of an irate gamer household. if my memory isn’t failing me, there was a moment in the mario is missing episode where the irate gamer made it so that luigi was taking a piss. i think i remember my brother sitting with me and my grandma looking disgusted. good times. looking back, the irate gamer is more of a funny specimen than a funny comic. i liked him back then, but there’s nothing that i genuinely like now. perhaps i appreciate him more than i like him. the thing about influence is that it can eventually lead to imitation, therefore leading to a slew of young, aspiring nerd clones. my favorite as of late has to be the game dude. this guy has a two-minute intro, a knack for making incredible faces, and some of the most unintentionally funny clips for all the wrong reasons. he’s an obvious ripoff, but he’s too priceless to pass up. i believe he also fled the country because of some legal action, but that’s another story. the point is he’s adorable, and i wouldn’t trade him for the world.
eventually, i wised up and started watching the angry video game nerd. to say that i’m familiar with the show is a huge understatement. it’s probably one of the funniest things i’ve seen online. you could tell him to complain about a sausage and he’d make up these wacky scenarios about stuff he’d rather do. they’re so out-of-pocket that two of them made it in the theme song.
any average episode would play out like this: the nerd picks up a game, talks about it, plays it and commentates over it, get more and more angry as he plays it, rambles on and on, reaches a breaking point, takes out the game, and does something with it. he could burn it, tear it down, smash it with a hammer, spit at it over a cigarette lighter, and if all else fails, just take a dump on it. it’s a simple template that could get stale later down the line, but it’s the execution that makes it effective. presentation is the seasoning that makes a nerd so angry. it’s not enough to be angry and believable at the same time. you gotta edit everything at the right moment and put in the work. it’s like G4 in a way where the aesthetic is about as important as the hosts themselves. presentation is key, and the nerd knows how to present.
and if we’re talking nerd and stuff like G4, we gotta talk screwattack as well. god rest their souls, man. not only did screwattack give the nerd a bigger presence online, but they also made some of the best gaming videos of the older era. i remember their top 10s with the metroid music where they got jon st jon to read out the numbers. i remembered when stuttering craig became evil craig and talked smack about everything. he even brought in a substitute out of spite because he was just that hateful. and don’t get me started on death battle. rooster teeth may have given them more of a budget, but they’ll never give back that thrill of seeing two blurry sprites duke it out in the ring of fire. they also got sponsored by good ol 2009 netflix at one point. what an era that was.
anyway, sometimes i wonder if the nerd is even human. what we have is a nerd of a thousand faces, always ready on command. he could be playing a bad mortal kombat game and it would hard cut to him making the most distraught look i’d ever seen in my life. he could be playing the godzilla games on xbox and he'd be bewildered like no other human being. but i think the best example of this that demands to be dissected is when he first meets bugs bunny. yes, stick with me.
in this scene, the nerd is not amused. not angry, not shocked, but not amused either. he takes a good chug of rolling rock up until bugs bunny jumps into his room. the nerd spits out his drink and is shocked at the mere sight of bugs. after tapping his feet over to bugs, he jumps up and down in sheer excitement. once he stops jumping, it takes a mere second for him to go from total excitement to fuming anger. then he punches bugs bunny in the gut and keeps playing his game. it's genius. on it's own, the scene is pretty funny. but when you stop to think in terms of pacing and delivery, it acts as its own masterclass of acting. you could go frame-by-frame and see exactly where the nerd switches from childlike wonder to deep anguish. it’s a series of moments that go up, up up up up up, DOWN. seriously, i'd make a 10-minute video essay on this one scene if i could.
and no true nerd freak could forget about the duel between him and the nostalgia critic. somehow, i grew up more with the critic than i did with the nerd. so maybe this battle was never fair to begin with. it basically spawned from the critic being called a nerd clone, which isn’t really fair. you can’t call yourself a nerd clone if you got the voice of a parrot with a wrinkled tie.
there’s a surprising bit of nuance throughout the show. there’s the funny mascot guys barging into the room every now and again. but also there’s that guitar guy from the theme song. he’s not just there for show and tell. no sir, he’s literally a character. every waking day until he became nothing but bones, he would sing the theme song and then hide back behind the couch. i think that’s why the nerd has stuck with me for all these years. there’s an essence of indie filmmaking schlock that elevates these simple game reviews into goofy skits. it’s like one of those late night segments where conan o’brien brings out fake audience members with weird costumes. i’m just having a good time.
but as i was piling through my AVGN marathon, i noticed that i started getting less and less excited for each new episode. weird, right? maybe the college life is getting to me. or maybe the episodes just started to get…crappier? i think it was around 2018 when i started to notice. there was something about it that i didn’t really care about. that energy was slowly fading away. there were some highlights, like that home alone episode with macaulay culkin, and the earthbound episode was fantastic all around. 2019 had some good stuff, too, especially with the majora’s mask episode. but 2020 was when it really got boring. it started off on the right heel, fizzled away, and ended on a very low note. you know what the christmas episode was? a simpsons game. and he didn’t even eat his own shorts this time! all he had was a cow and then cut to the logo.
at that point, the energy was gone. the old days weren’t without their fair share of episodes that were less than stellar. but those moments were at least sandwiched by a sizable amount of genuinely entertaining moments. this new nerd just has a bunch of fluff with all the fun parts popping in and out. but it’s not all gloom because there are some great highlights in some of these. i can’t say he’s completely out of style.
i think the weirdest parts are where he references games that i didn’t even think he’d know. bit of a minor complaint, but the way i see it, the nerd is a character who can’t help himself but play bad games from the past. it’s like he was thrown into the future but he sticks with the old stuff anyway, like a youtube comment on a frank sinatra song. it’s almost like an unspeakable rule. but then he compared an old jurassic park game to bioshock and i was completely thrown for a loop. i understand he’s done this kind of thing before. he even talked about all the 7th gen consoles when they were still fairly new. but then he brings up EA’s loot box problems as if he’s well versed on the subject. for some reason, it doesn’t feel right nowadays.
part of it might be a generational thing. i grew up playing the wii and xbox 360, so i hold onto those memories as if they were new. when a new console rolls around, you kinda have to force yourself to admit that the consoles you had are gonna go retro. hell, i’m still trying to wrap around the PS4 being a “last-gen” console. even the poor nintendo switch is showing its age. but when you have a potty-mouthed nerd suddenly swap to EA talk, you know something’s going on.
so apparently there’s these guys called screenwave media. as an MCN, they’ve networked with other creators online such as matt mcmuscles and vinesauce. but with cinemassacre, it’s more like a co-partnership kind of deal. i dunno. what happened was they wanted to make more revenue, meet deadlines for sponsorships, and essentially keep the fans busy with monthly episodes of AVGN. but there’s a problem: james is a very busy man. first off, he’s got two kids. with a family, you gotta run some errands, support your children whenever you can, keep them healthy, and somehow balance all that with a job in video-making. in some ways, i get it. but the whole monthly thing can only go for so long before it becomes stagnant.
this monthly business isn’t a new thing. in the show’s heyday, episodes would consistently come out twice a month, which became once a month later on. from what i remember, james himself was pretty burned out from doing that. and eventually, the schedule just kind of stopped existing. but when you bring it back and top it off with two kids, it’s gonna be a lot to deal with. so what do you do? have some other guys help with the script. maybe that’s why the EA thing felt off. james has infamously been not so fancy with most of the new stuff, especially considering his behind the scenes video from 2021. for god’s sake, he still uses a mac to edit. so having a crew to help seems logical. but it’s not gonna work if it gets in the way of quality.
the best of nerd is when he’s as organic as he can get. the problem with the new nerd is that it’s more like watching someone play a character instead of simply watching a guy getting needlessly mad at video games that don’t matter anymore. i say new nerd, but i really mean the nerd after 2018 or so. and hey, it turns out i’m not alone on this either, as the views have been steadily going downward as new episodes come out. it’s a shame, really.
come to think of it, why am i still watching? there’s not much left that i really like. but then again, there’s that light at the end of the tunnel, showing me a faint twinkle of hope. as much as i hate to admit it, there’s still a bit of steam left in the nerd. when he hits, he hits it out of the ball park. when he misses, he really misses.
what we are experiencing now is the growing pains of a show that’s 18 years old. some shows tend to luck out of these pains. the best examples, for me anyway, have to be always sunny in philadelphia and curb your enthusiasm. hell, seinfeld practically quit while it was ahead. but growing pains are still growing pains, even if you pass them by. angry video game nerd has gotten to a point where you can clearly see some aspects of it not working out. the format gets stale, the episodes become pale templates of themselves, and there’s so much you can do before you go back to just playing on the couch and swearing at bad games. worst of all, you might even have him doing…
*checks notes*
a green screen gag where the nerd throws NES games to the sharks and sings a surfin bird parody called…surfin nerd. woof.
i suppose i’m still here because i’m still curious. this isn’t a TV series with a crew of 400 people who swap places every now and then. this is a webseries being made by one guy with the help of another guy and eventually a couple more guys. plus, there’s more to james than just nerd stuff. you guys remember board james? that was a fun show. he also has much more simple reviews that go into the subjects he’s more passionate about. even now, it seems like he’s making videos about topics that he seems to be passionate about. granted, they’ve gotten too simple and one-note for my liking. but it could very well be a me thing. i’m someone who asks more out of my creators and james isn’t entirely an exception. he’s a filmmaker, so i’d like to see that aspect shine whenever it can.
oh my god, i completely forgot about the movie.
here’s the story: the nerd has vowed to never play the worst game ever created, ET for the atari 2600. sorry, eee tee. this one’s different because he’s got a mustache. legend has it that the game was so bad, every returned or unsold copy was buried underground, never to be seen again. the problem is that the makers of eee tee are making a new one that’s even worse…on purpose????? so the nerd and his two new best friends in the world venture off to the burial site, unknowing of the conspiracy that will unfold. it’s not the best explanation, but it’s better than what IMDB says. listen to this: “the AVGN must overcome his phobia of the worst video game in the world to save his fans.” that’s the worst summary i’ve ever heard. but i suppose it’s not far off either.
okay, so the nerd is sort of a messiah in this new movie world where every single one of his fans parades around him like mindless zombies. i know it’s played up like a joke, but i can see how some people see it as nothing more than a self-pat on the back. he even flat-out says that he’s “gotta do it for the fans. ”if i had anything else to say, it’s that it probably didn’t need to be as long as it was in terms of editing and writing. i should also mention that the whole film was shot in california, and i’d argue it was for the worst. the sets are great for the budget. but if you shot this where AVGN was usually shot, you’d probably save some more money. maybe it’s hindsight talking, but i guess it’s not too late for another nerd movie? maybe for the finale. who knows?
other than that, it wasn’t all bad. i’ve seen better nerd from around the same time this came out. but there’s stuff that i actually do love. i love the low-budget crap that’s obviously meant to be low-budget. sometimes they just play with toy trucks on miniature sets. there was also a moment where a henchwoman falls off the building and she abruptly disappears through a shoddy imovie transition. it’s stuff like this that add to its charm. and the characters are actually great, too. even those wacky side characters i’ve come to appreciate. ooh! one more thing. you know who made the music for this film? bear goddamn mccreary. a game award winner who composed for the new god of war also composed for an AVGN movie. fantastic.
if you wanna buy this movie, i can’t stop you. no really, i can’t. if you look online, the DVD can go as low as $5. seriously! usually it’s the small movie stores that have prices that low. this is online shopping right here. overall, it’s not a bad attempt at a film. but you’re better off with either regular nerd or something like board james in terms of narrative cinemassacre stuff.
you know what? screw films. i wanna see him make more documentaries. his cinemassacre 200 video, despite calling some of the nerd episodes “films”, is one of the most fascinating documentaries i’ve ever seen. for all i care, he could be the adam curtis of dork trash that only he cares about and i’d still flock to see it. there was a bit of that spark recently with his rocky IV location tour, which i guess was fine. but with a good budget and slightly nicer editing, he could be great at this stuff. whatever the case, all i want is for him to break out of the loop. make more nerd if he wants, but find his calling if the gods allow it.
now, the last thing i want to write is another hitpiece. my last two articles are basically just that, and that’s more than enough for me. but you have to understand that despite my disinterest in mostly writing about things i hate, the hate usually comes from a place of respect. and that’s the thing. i don’t hate AVGN nowadays. i don’t hate what the show has become. but i do think it could be better. i can’t promise myself to be around for everything about the show. but i’m curious to see where it finds itself at the end. because nothing can really last forever. not even this website. but if the nerd can damn well try, then so can i.
there’s a lot that has impacted me growing up. all incredibly stupid things, i’ll admit. but they’re incredibly normal when you compare them to the angry video game nerd. why him? he doesn’t even care about his own stuff, right? well, i think there’s a lot that needs changing. it’s good enough that he stopped pressuring himself to make new videos every millisecond. but i can’t help but feel that there’s a charm that’s lost nowadays. also his mic quality is ass. what the hell happened?
although, the legacy is still set in stone. we still have the first 13 or so years worth of gold. even if you hate where it’s at, you gotta admit that 13 good years out of 18 is an impressive feat on its own. the things that speak to me are the things that remind me of who i am and who i can be. AVGN reminds me that i can have the pottiest mouth in the world as long as i’m organic and honest. it helps that he’s a good source of absurdist humor, too. there’s something about that amateurish style of filmmaking and comedy that i love so dearly.
if anything, what james needs to do is to find his calling. he’s gotten back to fully writing and directing his stuff, as recently as the garfield episode in fact. and again, he’s basically pushing aside a lot of major screenwave influence and just leaving it for a few nooks and crannies (although kieran’s gotta step up with the editing style). the cinemassacre spark nowadays is not as special nowadays. but it’s coming back. it’s just different is all.
i can’t control one man’s life with a crappy retrospective, but i hope he knows that there’s still more that can be done until the end. and when the nerd eventually stops, his impact will have already spread to other people, ready to pick up the mantle. i can accept the fact that he’s not as good as he was before. he’s already made a huge contribution to media literacy online, like a domino effect. times have changed, but the nerd is forever.
and god help me, i’m not ending this year on a low note.
for the past seven months or so, i’ve had the pleasure of playing along with this strange experiment that only came to life because of a gag that only i would find funny. and i think that’s the theme i’ve ultimately stuck with for the most part. there’s some crazy stuff out there that i wanna talk about and i can’t wait to share it with you. james rolfe can go as long as whatever if it makes him bank. but i got a whole other turf to explore. stick around.